des, des' men, desiree, desiree hartsock, season 9, The Bachelorette, week 5, who got kicked off the bachelorette, who is left on the bachelorette
Lookin’ good boys. You know when they packed their bags for Munich, they were like did you bring your hoody? Check. Excellent work on the outfit coordination, boys. Getting ready for their next rap single, no doubt. Steel your ears, America.
Who got kicked off: Finally, Ben is gone. Left with quite the exit too, I might add, spouting comments about partying it up his last night and America missing out on him as the next Bachelor. I think we’ll survive, Ben. Deuces. Bryden peaced out as soon as he touched down in Munich. He just wasn’t falling fast enough. Mikey was the lone man sent home at the rose ceremony. I mean when you start talking about having 5-10 kids in the future…
One-on-one: Chris got the first one-on-one in Germany. He and Des hit the streets, attempted to talk to the locals, and danced in the center of a town square. Then bam, Bryden showed up to tell Des he was headed back to the states because he just wasn’t feeling it.
Group date: Des took the guys to the highest peak in Germany to go sledding. Drew crashed into her on the way down the mountain. So she hopped back on her sled and kept on going like nothing had happened.
“This is the happiest place on earth.” – Des. I’m glad she can get past the fact that she was pummeled on the mountain and freezing her patootie off. Also, incorrect. I believe that’s Disney’s claim to fame.
At the end of the date, instead of going somewhere warm, they ended at an igloo – well, an ice mansion. Here we find out Des really likes Brooks, Zak W. was going to be a priest back in the day (Yes, that’s right shirtless abs man from night one was going to be a priest. Let’s ponder that for a moment.), and Mikey wants 5-10 children.
Brooks got the rose. Des said he brings out the best in her and makes her laugh even on her worst days.
Two-on-one: Aka the most awkward date you could have. But this time Michael set out to make it a death match. Full Federal Prosecutor mode engaged.
Let’s play how uncomfortable we can make the girl we’re dating.
First round: Hot tug boat. (Sidenote: that really might be the coolest invention around. A hot tug is basically a floating hot tub that you can steer in a lake. Awesome.) Low blow goes to Michael for likening Ben to Michael’s absentee father. Awkward points: 10. Plus, bonus points for being trapped in the middle of a freezing lake with no escape.
Second round: Dinner with the threesome. Michael went full grill mode on Ben. Poor Des tried to redirect the conversation after Michael kept attacking Ben. But Michael was not to be deterred. He fired questions at Ben (mostly aimed at the fact Ben didn’t get along with the other fellas and that Ben apparently wasn’t talking to his son.) like the lawyer he was.
Men, take note. Should you ever find yourself on a date with your lady and another guy (because I mean that always happens in real life, right?), it might not be the best tactic to put her in the middle of an awkward confrontation. Maybe don’t act like you’re in the courtroom or burning someone at the stake. Just a thought.
Sidenote: Michael does not blink in his interviews. He has that intense death stare. No, but really, check it out. Kinda creepy.
Or maybe do do all of those things. Rack up those awkward points. Give a few intense stares. Lawyer up. Because Michael did walk away with the rose. I’m thinking the producers had something to do with that, because Des did not seem too keen on keeping either one of them after that increasingly uncomfortable date.
Des’ Interview with Chris Harrison: Chris questioned Des on who is the best kisser. Most sentimental kiss goes to Brooks. Most lustful kiss goes to Zak W.
James: A few of the men overheard James talking about being on the show solely to become the next bachelor and to meet a bunch of rich ladies. So James is just here to find his own sugar daddy? Interesting.
Tweet convo of the night:
Foregoing the cocktail party, Des headed straight to the rose ceremony, derailing the mens’ chances of talking to her about James. And Mikey was on the out and out.
Next week, shit’s about to hit the fan. James is exposed! And no I don’t mean those biceps.
The group heads to Barcelona! Hoodies and all.
What are your thoughts, Bachelor Fans?
It's A Cake Walk said:
“Also, incorrect. I believe that’s Disney’s claim to fame.”
Haha. Happiest place on earth IS Disney’s claim to fame. ABC should know better (they are owned by Disney, after all…)
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