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Credit: Pophangover.com

The Men Tell All delivered on its promise of drama.

James is still vying to be the next Bachelor. Ben is in fact a D-bag. And wait…who is that man speaking? Dan? Does anyone remember a Dan? And Zak wrote AND performed another song (about his heartbreak no less). Pure genius. Beautiful television right there. I can just picture the producers high-fiving in the background with the soft lighting reminiscent of those CD infomercials no one buys from, and the upward camera angle, close shot as Zak pours his heart out in song. Magical.

With that plus Wes’ country crooning song, “It Don’t Take that Long,” pretty soon we’ll have a whole Bachelor soundtrack on our hands.

Before the show’s festivities: The Bachelor Party Bus is back! And so are a slew of Bachelor/ette All-Stars crashing the viewing parties. In case you need a refresher, the Bachelor Party Bus is where Chris and the current Bachelor/ette go around LA crashing Bachelor watch parties. Wine is flowing and sometimes a rose or two is handed out. This time they brought around Trista, Jason and Molly and baby, and JP and Ashley to join in the fun.

In the hotseat:

Brian! Just kidding. He smartly chose to sit this one out and was not in attendance. Remember good old Brian? The one with a girlfriend who showed up at the mansion, sobbing and talking about her son and how her and Brian were still in a relationship and threw rocks at each other and all kinds of good stuff. I can’t imagine why he didn’t attend. Now that would have been fun.

Ben: So Ben was first on the skewer. Ben did not get along with any of the guys from the get-go. The first night he told Juan Pablo the overused line, “I’m not here to make friends.” Sidenote: I am in love with Juan Pablo. That’s when Dan spoke up. He had a lot to say for someone I did not remember. Apparently, Ben’s ex told Dan in Vegas that Ben wasn’t inovled with his kid and was not a great dad. But really, who is that guy?

Next on the hot seat, James! In one last ditch attempt to become The Bachelor, James took his place in front of Chris’ grilling. Funny thing, when they replayed his journey with Des, he said the first day he met her that loyalty is the most important thing to him. Later down the road, we learn he cheated on his girlfiends. Maybe he’s learned from it, maybe not, but when Chris asked him if he would consider being the next Bachelor, you couldn’t help but notice his eyes light up.

And a mini mention to Jonathan aka Fantasy Suite man. I forgot about him. The sleazeball that offered Des a key to the fantasy suite. Good times.

Fan Favorites:

Juan Pablo – According to Chris Harrison, no guy has become a fan favorite with less screen time. The soccer-kicking-latin-lover-single-dad from Venezuela. My favorite moment is when Juan Pablo playfully reprimanded James. When Chris Harrison asked for Juan Pablo’s thoughts on James and his intentions. Juan Pablo said that he would not allow his daughter or sister to date James as James is now. Not until he becomes a good James. That moment only rivaled by when he did a gringa accent. He’s 32 and wants to settle down.

Zak W. – He’s the one with all of the fantastic reaction faces. There has got to be a Tumblr dedicated to Zak’s reactions, because they’re epic and amazing and should be documented or enshrined forever. Oof, his interview was a little heartbreaking. He’s still in love with Des. Apparently, he also wrote a secret note in invisible ink in the back of the journal he gave to Des early on in case she did choose him in the end. So of course Chris Harrison is all set to read that aloud. It was a lot of deep thoughts on love. I was so preoccupied with the fact I missed he had written in invisible ink, I did not transcribe it. You can bet I’m going to seek that gem out though. Fear not, Bachelor Fans.

Des told Zak she thought they were very similar people and then rehashed Sean’s words he had told Des on his season, “Sometimes I think you hide behind your smile.”

Favorite quote of the season: “When you see me smile, this is how I experience life.” – Zak W.

Then we get to the good stuff of Zak performing in song lamenting his heartbreak and that he’s moving on. Ballsy.

Who is left:

The final three men are Drew, Chris, and Brooks.

Sneak peak of this season’s most shocking two part finale event! Whoa. Looks as though Des leaves in tears. The quote she kept saying was, “I always love the wrong people.” It seems as though Brooks leaves, but we also see Chris standing at what appears to be the alter. I don’t know what’s going on with Drew. Chris Harrison assures us this is the most shocking season finale they’ve ever had. And when he says that you know it’s true. ABC is splitting up the finale into two weeks! You can watch a sneak preview here.

Sidenote: Add audience reaction faces to that Zak Tumblr because there were some good ones after they played the sneak peek. Gold. Pure gold.