As you can tell by my absent stream of posts, I missed the Tuesday episode last week and haven’t had the chance to catch up. Thankfully, I had a witty, devoted (likely because her office pool is taking on The Bachelor bracket world), sarcastic friend who was kind enough to catch me up. And I have to say her recap hit the nail on the head and was too good not to post. So with her permission, I’m stealing her commentary and re-posting our conversation below for your judge-joyment. With that I turn over my first guest post to the charm and sass of Sara Morgan.
Who got kicked off: But not really kicked off. On this week’s bonus episode it was more like who decided to peace out. The second lady of the season (Sharleen was the first) to voluntarily leave was Andi the Attorney
A few lols, dudes, and likes were omitted for your reading pleasure and to somewhat protect the reputation and credibility of both parties.
EK: Did you watch The Bachelor last night?
SM: Dude, YES.
Good for Andi!
You go girl!
I mean he told her about Clare’s overnight??? WHO DOES THAT?
EK: Gah! What?! I missed it!!
I was so sad. I got home and it was over!!
SM: Nothing really interesting happened.
EK: I read an article in US Weekly at the grocery store that basically said just that.
They didn’t say which girl, but I assumed it was Andi.
Dude! Why were the other girls crying?
Tell me everything!
SM: The other girls didn’t cry, you know how the bachelor likes to edit scenes to make them look more dramatic lol
SM: But the thing with Andi
[Long, agonizing pause where all you can see are the ellipses indicating typing is happening, thoughts are rolling.]
SM: She literally woke up the next morning saying, “I couldn’t wait to leave the Fantasy Suite. That was the worst experience. All he did was talk about himself the whole night. He didn’t ask me anything about myself. He mentioned he had an overnight with Clare. I mean I’m not stupid, but you don’t have to tell me about it when I didn’t ask! He told me that I barely made the cut here and he was almost gonna save Renee!”
This has never happened before! Usually the girls are even more enamored after the Fantasy Suite!
Did she sleep with him?
SM: She said anytime she tried to talk about something important to her he’d say, “It’s okay, besitos.”
EK: Ha that’s all he wanted to do.
SM: I dunno, I mean if she was that pissed off the whole night I find it hard to believe she would.
EK: Yeah, true.
Did she confront him?
EK: Why would you stay? Why wouldn’t she storm out?
SM: So then
That’s what he said. He was like, if she was that bothered she should’ve told me at the time and left.
I dunno maybe she needed to simmer on it.
She was like, “I know for SURE he’s not who I’m gonna marry and that I’m not in love with him.”
EK: He said she should have left?
SM: Yeah, that if she felt that strongly she should’ve brought it up sooner rather than wait.
BUT SO THEN!
You know how the girls record videos for him before the rose ceremony?
EK: Haha yeah
SM: So in Andi’s video, she was like, “I had a lot of thoughts after the Fantasy Suite, and I’d rather not tell you over a video so I’m going to talk to you in person,” and Nikki and Clare’s videos were all, “I had an amazing time, I’m so glad I got to spend time with you blah blah.”
So she meets up with him.
And just lays it all on him.
And he kept saying “It’s okay, it’s okay if you’re not feeling it there’s nothing I can do.”
And she was like, “Stop effing saying it’s okay!”
EK: Haha I was hoping she would ream him on the video.
SM: She was like, “When you say it’s okay, it sounds like you don’t care.”
EK: Go Andi.
SM: And she said, “You told me that I was here by default!” And he was like I did not say default I don’t even know that word.”
EK: Hahaha Oy.
SM: And she was like you told me about Clare’s overnight! Who does that?
EK: Seriously, what the heck.
SM: And he was like “I was just being honest” and she’s like “There’s a difference between being honest and being an asshole.”
It was epic.
SM: I knowww
This NEVER happens!
She’s the only genuine one!
EK: I heard Andi is the next bachelorette.
I was so hoping that.
I like her.
EK: Yeah, same.
You would. She’s sarcastic and sassy.
Like someone else I know.
EK: Then what?!
SM: THEN they argued for a while – like 5 whole minutes on “I did not say default,” “You said default,” “I did not say default. I don’t even know that word,” “Why would I make that up, you totally said default.”
Then did she just leave?
SM: And then they spent another 5 whole minutes on “Stop saying it’s okay dammit,” “But it IS okay,” “No it’s not okay! Feel something!” I’m feeling like it’s okay,” “Show some emotion! Stop saying it’s okay!”
Then she left.
And she was like I’m still 100% sure with my decision.
He was totally just there to have fun.
This whole time I’ve felt like that.
Like what has he been doing?
Oh that’s right — making out, dancing, making out, not talking.
It’s fun and games.
SM: Oh yeah, that’s another thing she accused him of. “You keep saying it’s okay and it makes me feel like you’re not taking it seriously”
Yeah, I don’t like him anymore.
At first I was like okay he’s fine.
But he’s gotten annoying.
I feel like he’s really not feelin’ anyone.
On his Bachelor blog he said, “I was so surprised when Nikki said I love you that I kept silent because I didn’t wanna tell her I’m not there yet.”
EK: Oof, that is rough.
SM: Right?! It’s like, how are you supposed to propose to one of these girls in a week if you’re not in love with them? Or at least one of them?
EK: Chris Harrison said he didn’t think Juan Pabs was opening himself up to the process.
I feel like he just wants to sleep with them.
Like that’s how I felt he felt about Clare from day one.
All he talks about is how sexy she is.
SM: That he just wants to sleep with her?
He keeps saying she’s so hot in her bikini.
EK: Not like oh yeah I really like this girl and her interests..
EK: No, I like her body.
SM: Great one liner from last night
“I really feel like Nikki would be a great partner. She’s honest, pretty and sexy.”
“Oh, and she cares about people.”
EK: Seriously, he said that?
SM: Haha yeah
EK: Lol So Women Tell All next week?
EK: You just made my day.
SM: Happy to give you the highlights.
You didn’t miss much else.
Just Nikki and Clare being in love blah blah