Welp. The secret’s out. Apparently more than just “talking” and “getting to know each other” happens in the Fantasy Suite. And Nick took that dirty laundry out. to. dry. Great, thanks, Nick, for ruining the mystery of the Fantasy Suite for me.

That’s right Andi’s sex life was on blast last night. At least 3 different occasions it came up. First by Nick. Then by Andi herself and then her fiance. Spoiler alert: Andi chooses Josh and Josh’s lie (from way back when) was that he prefers blondes. Don’t worry Andi assured us she has a blonde wig to ameliorate this situation. Josh made a crack that they were trying to have kids, after Andi put those pregnancy rumors…to bed.  

Speaking of, those babies are going to be ridiculously attractive. I mean just look at them. 

Who does she choose? If you haven’t guessed by now, the winner of Season 10‘s The Bachelorette is baseball-loving, tall, dark, and handsome man Josh who professed his love for Andi, picked out a honkin’ rock, got down on one knee, and proposed.

 

Meet the parents! Before Andi made her final pick, the men got to meet the family. After the Fantasy Suite dates, they’re all still in the Dominican Republic, wearing muumuus and sipping tropical drinks. Andi’s fam bam got a nice vacation out to the islands. The boys met Andi’s dad (Sidenote: his name is Hy. How great is that?), Andi’s mom Patti, and Andi’s sister. Let’s see how the two fellas stacked up.

Nick expressed how much he loved Andi and made Patti tear up. Point for Nick. Andi told her sister that Nick can take one look at her and really see her. She also talked about how passionate and romantic he was. Dad time: Nick sat down with Andi’s dad and asked for his permission to marry Andi citing, “There’s a connection with your daughter that I don’t know what it is.” Great, that’s very helpful Nick. The dad was supportive of their union.

Josh: Upon greeting him, Andi called him “Babe.” Point for Josh. Andi’s dad said on first impression, “This guy doesn’t have a prayer.” Point for Dad. Andi admitted to her family that upon initially meeting Josh, she had stereotyped him and written him off as just like the previous men she had dated. However Josh surprised her every time she would challenge him and he would step up and share deeper connections. Dad time: Andi’s dad told Josh, “You have my blessing. The only thing you need to worry about is hers.”

Last Dates: After meeting the family, each of the dudes got one last date with Andi. Andi took Josh on a yacht on the Carribbean. It was supposed to be reminiscent of their first date of sailing across the Mediterranean. They like their seas. And baseball. Did I mention Josh likes baseball? You mean to tell me that’s irrelevant here? Oh, I just wanted to make sure you knew.

Josh gave Andi what other than her very own baseball card! Which I know it’s another baseball-themed thing, but I loved it. (I’m also biased because baseball is my favorite sport. And I’m not just saying that because dudes like Josh, Chris Siegfried, and Roberto come from the sport. Though it helps.)

The Murrays Baseball Card: Josh made Andi her very own baseball card! Adorbs. Not only that, but he put Andi’s last name as his own and wrote her a letter about wanting to make her his wife. A cute part of the baseball card was that it had fun facts. One of which was that “Josh has never gone a day without saying I love you to Andi.”

Nick’s Date: The pair went off-roading to a lagoon. They had snacks and swam in the water. Back at the hotel, they had champagne and Nick had difficulty expressing what he was thinking, talking in stilted sentences. Andi kept trying to reassure him not to be nervous. Nick gave her a necklace with a bottle of sand from one of their dates. Nick is always thinking and analyzing, but said he could turn it off when he was with Andi. Then he brought up his Debbie Downer feelings about his last engagement, where he woke up that day and knew something wasn’t right.

Cut to Josh picking out rings. A huge, honkin’ ring, which according to WetPaint is worth a whopping $100k.

There is a voiceover of Andi explaining the things she likes about each of the final two men standing. She describes feelings of giddiness when she’s with Josh, and the struggle between her heart and her brain because she wants to believe he’s not like the previous professional athletes she’s dated. With Nick she describes their relationship as passionate, both on an intellectual level and a physical connection.

There is a knock on Nick’s door. It’s supposed to be from Neil Lane so Nick can pick out a ridiculously huge diamond ring. But no. It’s Andi. Dun dun dun dun. Cut to live studio audience and a huge collective gasp. Sidenote: Can I just express how much I hate that we pan back to the studio audience now, especially when we have to listen to the fan favorite’s give their moot opinions? It might be worse than the Suave commercials. Or the bleachable moments. I can’t decide. Poll below.

Fan Favorites: No one cares. Claire, my least favorite person on last season’s show, got to say a couple words and shocker somehow made it about her. Drew got to give his insight on the whole thing. I had forgotten about Drew and that adorable smile. And what’s that? Michelle Money is back. Of course she is. That girl just doesn’t leave. And good news. We’ll get all that cray cray on Bachelor in Paradise! Woot woot!

Alright, back to the show. Andi told Nick, “I woke up and felt something wasn’t right.” That’s not fair, Andi. That’s not the same thing. Don’t try to spin his words and use that as your out. So context: Nick had told Andi the night before that when he was engaged previously, he woke up one morning and knew that something wasn’t right, not on his end, but that he sensed something was up with his future wife. Andi is trying to use that same logic for her reasoning of why she’s breaking up with him. Andi, you knew you were in love with Josh. It’s not like you knew something wasn’t right.

“When did you start feeling like this?” He asked her. She skirted the question but did tell Nick that one of the reasons she was not choosing him was that there was so much intensity between them and she pictured their life as them overanalyzing every single moment. Nick was crushed. He had so much trouble getting out the words. “When I told you I loved you, I don’t know how you can look at me the way you did and reacted the way that you did. When we were in the water and I said I love you you said, ‘I wish I could say things back.’”

Needs to Happen: Maybe the self-proclaimed @Overanalyst Jenna Burke (also known as the crier from Ben Flajnik’s Season 16 of The Bachelor) and Nick should get together. Done. Just call me a matchmaker. Then they could have overanalytical children that make up strategy for Andi and Josh’s baseball children. Did I mention Josh plays baseball?

Andi could have used the I-feel-stronger-about-this-person excuse that most bachelor/ettes use. Nick told her that he hoped she was “a million percent sure.” That’s a lot of sures, Nick.

Men Tell All Flashback: Chris Harrison let us know that after the break up Nick had tried several times, unsuccessfully, to see Andi. Behind-the-scenes of Men Tell All was one of those times. What you didn’t see was that Nick came to see her. ABC also interviewed Nick’s mom, which was heart crushing. The poor kid got rejected twice after he’d gotten to a point of engagement with two ladies. That can’t be a picnic. Chris Harrison, the mediator (one of his many roles on the show), asked Andi if she wanted to see Nick. She said it wasn’t the right time. So Nick politely gave Chris a letter to give Andi and left. I was secretly hoping the letter was the storybook Part II. Alas, we will never know.

After the Final Rose

Andi and Nick finally came face-to-face and sh*! went down.

Andi was immediately on her guard, stone-faced and cold to Nick. Nick was heartbroken and trying to keep it together. Then Nick disarmed Andi by thanking her for helping him find that love again and for the way she made him feel. Then he went in for the kill, not purposefully, but it was amazing nonetheless. Nick broke the golden, unwritten rule and asked Andi…wait for it. Are you paying attention?

Question of the night:

He asked Andi, “If you weren’t in love with me, then why did you make love to me?” This was in response to Andi’s denial of her being in love with him. Andi handled it gracefully and reasonably like a trained lawyer. After citing that he just threw her under the bus, she told him, “The things I did with you and said to you were real” and the reason she went to see him instead of putting him through the rose ceremony and picking out rings was that she knew how much he had been affected by his last engagement. And her relationship with him meant something to her. Andi said, “I wasn’t in love with Nick and that’s why I didn’t say it.” That and you’re contractually obligated not to utter those words. Andi did admit that it was real for her, all of the things she told him and felt when they were together, saying “I wasn’t going to let you do that again and that’s because I did care about you and the relationship we had.”

“You had a great relationship.” Chris Harrison told the two. “Otherwise he wouldn’t have been in your final two.” Oh, Chris Harrison aka resident Bachelor/ette psychologist/therapist, you are so wise.

Bring Out the Fiance! Josh and Andi looked so happy in love and damn do they make a good looking couple.

Grumpy Cat: Special guest Grumpy Cat made an appearance on After the Final Rose. What is Grumpy Cat doing on The Bachelorette, you may ask. And to you I say, Why wouldn’t Grumpy Cat be on every single show? There’s been a meme floating around about Andi’s signature frown. It is fantastically similar to the Grumpy Cat frown.

And so ends Season 10 of The Bachelorette. Andi and Josh said there were already plans for a wedding.

Never fear, you won’t be out of Bachelor fun for long. Next Monday, August 4th is the premiere of Bachelor in Paradise, bringing back fan favorites for another shot at lust love.

 

Tweets of the Night: