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Just so we’re all on the same page: Tony the Healer wants to imitate animals or go skydiving. Y’know, non-violent things. Ben H. compared himself to a sperm. And Clint has a man crush on JJ. Kaitlyn’s brigade of knights in shining armor are slowly diminishing and not because she’s eliminating them at rose ceremonies.

Who got kicked off: Finishing the rose ceremony from last week, two tall glasses of water left ahead of Tony. Tony. The Healer with the black eye, just so we’re clear. As we’ll remember Kupah was kicked off before the rose ceremony last week and left in a haze of exasperation. Southern gents Cory and Daniel were let go Monday. BEFORE the Healer! OK. I’m done now.


Group Date: Sumo Wrestling

Nothing like men in thong diapers to really get you going. Kaitlyn just wants to see her men face off and naked just all of the time. Joe struggled a little with keeping his junk in the trunk, or in this case, his man diaper. He just allowed his one ball to remain free and open for the whole world to see. Kaitlyn even donned a spandex diaper ensemble and went swinging around the professional sumo wrestler.

Tony was all kinds of not zenned out when they had to sumo wrestle a couple very large Japanese men. At first he was like, check out this balance. I’m going to CRUSH THEM! And then he was like I’m so sensitive and don’t believe in this fighting. Why can’t we pick dates like going to the zoo and imitate animals or skydiving. I’m with Tony here, why can’t we go to the zoo and imitate animal noises? I grew up near the San Diego Zoo. Great spot. Now, which zoo are we talking here? I’ve been to some crappy zoo’s, Tony. They all pale in comparison to San Diego Zoo.

Tony said (a couple times, in fact, just reiterate), “I see the world through the eyes of a child. I have the heart of a warrior and the soul of a gypsy.” Namaste, Tony.

Soon thereafter, Tony packed his things and put on his desert-patterned parka and walked out. Before quitting, Tony stated, “I’m not a quitter. I’m walking away on my own terms.” Yeah definitely different. Again, with the epically great quotes tonight, Tony. Hats off to you, sir.

The second best quote goes to Chris Cupcake Dentist commenting on the bachelors’ attempts at wrestling the sumo wrestlers:

“I think they would have had better luck hitting a brick wall. They grabbed them by the diaper and bitch-slapped them to the ground.”

I think Kaitlyn has already chosen personal trainer and Ryan Gosling look-a-like Shawn B as the winner. She wears her heart on her sleeve and also her drool. You could see her fawning over him on their one-on-one, love in her eyes. Shawn B. received the rose on the group date.

One-on-One: Ben Z. Benzi as he shall now be named, got the one-on-one date with Kaitlyn and a hot tub date to boot, but not before powering through an Escape the Room, but torture-style, date. Kaitlyn let Chris Harrison choose her date for her. And Chris Harrison was like [evil laugh] see if you ever want to let me choose another date again. That’s not in my job description. I have a book to promote. Coming to a Santa Monica store near you.

Ben Z. a hulking man of a man led her through the room, holding her hand the entire way. “I want to protect her,” Ben Z. said. “And I’m like I might have to punch that guy in the face,” he said in reference to the zombie actor in the room.

“Kaitlyn has a death grip on my hand. My hand is going numb.” Kaitlyn has a fear of birds, which as @aliciaSPN and many other Twitter peeps so aptly pointed out, she has bird tattoos on her arms.

My favorite tweets of the night came from @thebachelorinterns, who as they so aptly pointed out, had to gather the snakes and scorpions and the like for that date.

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Ah yes, the lesser known Snakes on a Toilet by ABC’s The Bachelorette. Benzi had to dive his hand into a toilet bowl of snakes and weird stuff that looked like puke.

The final clue told the couple to “kiss,” not “kill,” which was originally thought to be the ending to that clue. After the death-defying Escape room date, Benzi and Kaitlyn hot-tubbed it up and Benzi opened up about his mom.

Sweet quote by Benzi: “You never know if this is the first date with the person you could spend the rest of your life with.”

Group Date: Sex Education

Each of the men on this date received a topic related to sex education that they then had to teach to a group of kids. What they didn’t know was that these kids were student actors and planted there to ask uncomfortable and inappropriate questions. It was fantastic.

Ben H. Software Salesman took the cake. His topic was reproduction. he started with a story and compared himself to a sperm beating out all of the other sperm to get to an egg, which in this little scenario is Kaitlym. Also, apparently he volunteers at his friend’s nonprofit orphanage in Honduras to teach children. SO there’s that. At the after party Ben H. took her up to the top of the roof and dipped her over the edge. He got the rose.

Twitter: @Kellytravisty – Where’s the amateur sex coach when you need him? #TheBachelorette

Bromance of JJ and Clint

Clint’s game plan on the group date was to have Kaitlyn pull him aside. Wait a second here, are you the bachelorette, Clint? Because I am confused. We LATER find out the reason Clint’s being standoffish is because he has a man crush on JJ! We’ve been waiting for this moment to happen and here it is: Season 11 of The Bachelorette. At the cocktail party, Clint realizes his error and that he needs Kaitlyn to stay in the house so he can continue his bromance. So tries to play her at the cocktail party. But it appears Kaitlyn got wind of this developing bromance from all of the other guys in the house and is going to put an end to that. Kaitlyn is not about those rose ceremonies. One wrong step and you are stepping out the door.

Next week, we find out the details behind the bromance and who is headed home.