We tune in right where we left off. Princeton / Deerfield grad Ian is letting out 5 weeks of frustration on Kaitlyn. Free tip: If you want to be the next Bachelor, don’t say that on camera. They almost always paint you as the fool. No one’s going to choose the haughty personality to be the next Bachelor. They’re going to use you as fodder for the Bachelor limo-ride-home fire. Ian’s departing words: “I need sex.”

Who got kicked off: Ian left in an air of dramatics. No one remembers who Justin was, and Joshua was the one with the bad haircut courtesy of Kaitlyn on last week’s episode.

Ian was frustrated that he wasn’t having enough intellectual conversations with the guys nor with Kaitlyn. So he let that be known to Kaitlyn, while simultaneously calling her shallow and surface level.

Kaitlyn: “I’ve never had so many people questioning me. This is so overwhelming.”

“I hope it ended on good terms,” some guy watching Ian walk out. You’re stupid.

To the rescue is Nick! Nick V. swooped in to pick up the pieces. He comforted Kaitlyn, and they made out.

A rose ceremony! What is this? A rose ceremony? Well that’s new. And at The Alamo no less. I appreciate the symbolism, ABC. Hat tip to you.

Tanner is the last one called. And no one knows who Tanner is. Joshua is gone. And the crew is off to…

Dublin, Ireland

Kaitlyn has always wanted to go to Ireland, and Shawn B. is all fired up because he has a big Irish family, and all of the men are still wearing hoodies. I swear it’s like a Bachelor uniform or a required section on The Bachelor application form: Must own 10 hoodies. Different colors preferred.

One-on-One: Nick and the hotel room.

It was basically a lot of kissing and grabbing. But if you actually want to know what they did on their date, they walked through a park, did some irish dancing, Nick bought them both rings, they visited a local pub, and went to dinner in a cathedral. Then afterwards they banged. Nick, like everyone thought, was the one she took to her hotel room before fantasy suite dates. 

At least when Nick did the walk of shame home, he didn’t throw Kaitlyn under the bus. He said they “talked” on the couch. Maybe he learned a thing or two from Andi’s season. Or maybe it will come out again on the After The Final Rose episode.

Group Date

Chris Harrison announces to the group that Kaitlyn is dead…for today. The one time you actually get to host and that’s how you introduce it. Pick it up, Chris H. You’re better than that. The date was a weird one, where Kaitlyn laid in a casket and had each of the men celebrate her life with a poem about her and then an Irish jig.

I gained new respect for Tanner this week after his lovely and witty poem to Kaitlyn. Finally I saw his cleverness. he made a quip about no one knowing who he was. Accurate. I give you endless kudos Tanner. Not that I’m still going to remember who you are, but you take those useless kudos.

What did I tell you about the word “honesty?” Honesty is back, and I know you’re probably hanging your head in shame if you didn’t add it to those Bachelor Board Drinking games. Only this time it was super awkward for anyone watching and knowing what she just did with Nick. Jared told Kaitlyn on their one-on-one time, “I know you’re honest with me.” Cringe.

Kaitlyn gave the rose to Jared on the group date, and Shawn B. is on the train to struggle town. Shawn B. shared photos of his giant Irish family, and is not getting the validation from Kaitlyn that he needs.

Kaitlyn and Jared got to go off to their own private concert, while the rest of the guys went back to the hotel room. Chris Cupcake, ever the optimist, told the group of guys, “Maybe it’s not so much her saying ‘no’ to us but her saying ‘yes’ to him.”

Benzi, my favorite kid, responded with, “Yeah, that sucks no matter what.” Amen, Benzi. Tell it like it is.

You’re missing these deep intellectual conversations, Ian! Speaking of intellectual, I think it’s time for…

Tweets of the Night:

And the cutest tweet of the night goes out to Robyn Ross for this gem.

Just kidding, cutest tweet goes to USWeekly which tweeted quite possibly the most adorable photo of JP Rosenbaum and baby Fordham Rhys Rosenbaum. Team Original Cupcake you kill me with cuteness. For all you peeps uncertain, Ashley and JP claimed stakes on the beloved cupcake moniker long before Dentist Chris Cupcake rolled onto the scene. (Which now that I think about it, Ashley was also a dentist. Is this some sort of ironic inside dentist joke, the common folk like me are just not privy to?) And that right there is there is their adorable offspring of one Bachelor success story who will never have a cavity in his life.

Two on one: JJ and Joe go at it next time because we obviously didn’t have time for two rose ceremonies in one episode. Now that would just be crazy. Instead, we ended with Shawn B. headed into Kaitlyn’s hotel room after the date, and not for the same reasons Nick visited. Shawn B. is not happy and next week we find out why not.

Meanwhile, no one gives a you know what about Britt and Brady. Brady meets Britt’s mom supposedly for the first time and her mom says Britt’s made a nice friend. Yeah. It’s true. I still don’t care.