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Where my Ashley’s at? And they’re all 23! Just kidding, but only a little bit, because really they’re 23, sometimes 24. And all nurses. Some unemployed. And the token model.

nick viall the bachelor ladies

Season Premiere is January 2. So get cracking. I made this Bachelor Bracket just for you. (Disclaimer: I have no idea how to make brackets of any kind – football, basketball, Bachelor, so I basically borrowed from fusion.net. So blame them. Or me. Or both.)

Download Your Bracket **Note this might need updating. If you have edits, leave them in the comments.


**UPDATED (1/2/17): Bachelor Bracket has been updated: Week one added 3 ladies (taking it up to 22 ladies), Week two added 2 ladies (making 18 ladies), Week three added 2 ladies, Week four added 2 ladies, Week five added 1 lady. If you started playing this means you get to add some more ladies to your brackets and since you had to whittle it down early you already know your true frontrunners. My sincerest apologies, I will drink a glass of wine as penance.

Get just the basics on each of the girls’ bios, including ages and professions on their blog announcement.

Read the full interviews of the girls on ABC’s site. Bios

I’m being a little agist, but they couldn’t find anyone over 23 for 36-year-old Nick Viall? I mean get after it. But really. Left shark is here. Need I say more? Winner. Sneakily missing is the endless stream of Ashley’s. What has happened ABC?

In any case, this is the greatest time of the year. Grab your pen and paper and bottle of wine and let’s get to judging.

The ones to watch out for:

These are completely based off of entirely superficial, unfair assumptions founded solely on first impressions with only a photo and sometimes answers to the interview questions. This is not based off of the spoilers. Love Reality Steve, but I can’t read him after he’s figured out who is going to be on the show. So let’s get to judging! (Fun Fact: I didn’t do half bad last season on JoJo’s Men predictions. Baboom.)

Ida Marie

the bachelor ida marieThe petite software sales lady from Texas with tattoos of her dad’s bday is like a mini version of Kaitlyn and Andi wrapped into one, but sweeter and doesn’t read. Likes wine. Bonus points. I predict you will go far.


Josephine the Unemployed Nursejosephine the bachelor

Josephine, I can’t wait. I just need to know what you’re hiding.

astrid the bachelorAstrid

If you could be any character, you would be: “The Little Mermaid before legs.” Yup. Astrid, what is happening?


danielle bachelorDanielle M. 

Neonatal nurse, 31, from Texas. Won’t last among the youngin’s, but could be a contender. Also lost her fiancé.


sarah nick viall seasonCalifornia grade school teacher, Sarah is adorbs. Moved to NYC with “3 bucks, 2 bags, and 1 me.”


Honorable Interview Question Mentions

liz doula bachelorElizabeth “Liz”, 29, Doula (In case you’re like me and seriously uninformed and had no idea what a Doula was), from Las Vegas Nevada I just don’t think that’s true. Wine. Wine gets better with age. Different.screenshot-2016-12-07-22-55-58



michelle the bachelor nick viallBest Profession goes to Michelle: Food Truck owner in Los Angeles

And finally,



Elizabeth, 24, Marketing Manager from Dallas, TX is Elizabeth Mitchell. It’s just a fact.screenshot-2016-12-07-22-43-57screenshot-2016-12-07-22-35-54





Fun Fact every girl picks a dolphin as the animal they want to be. Every season. Not all reason because they mate for pleasure. But dolphin seems to be a fan favorite. Enter Left Shark.

Also all of the girls love the show Scandal apparently. Let’s all raise our glasses to Olivia Pope and an AMAZING season that is about to commence. Fill up your glasses and cozy in for January 2nd!!

Let’s get going! January 2 the limos arrive! And we finally get to see the first impressions!