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Chris Harrison’s redemption season continues. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis made guest appearances. And Copper at BarkFest became the star of the season.
You go Chris Harrison. Take back your show. Chris Harrison got to introduce the date card. First, I’d like to give a shout out to Will for sneaking in the word “duplicitous.” And using it correctly. Awesome. Then, just mad props to Rachel for bringing out the cutest pup and introducing us to puppy parties.
Who got kicked off: DeMario was sent home unceremoniously this week, only to return to the mansion later to try to talk to Rachel.
One-on-One Date: Peter got quite possibly the best date in Bachelor franchise history. He flew on a private jet to BarkFest with Rachel and her pup-with-a-cast, Copper. At dinner, Peter and Rachel bonded over gapped teeth and relationship therapists. And they had fireworks both figuratively and literally speaking.
Group Date: Dean, Jack Jonathan, Blake, Iggy, Kenny, Brett, Lucas
Date Card Read: I’m looking for husband material.
Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis guest starred. Don’t get too excited. The Husband Material was a semi-lame obstacle course, where apparently the welfare of the baby meant nothing. Even though I’m pretty sure that was the point of the game. Each guy was given a fake baby to get SAFELY across the obstacle course of vacuum cleaners, clogged drains and dirty diapers. I saw babies flying, being spiked and getting dunked in the sink, followed by a shot block from Lucas to make it to the finish. I question Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis’ judgment on husband material and the rules of engagement.
They did vet the men in the beginning by asking who had health insurance.
During Lucas’ one-on-one time, Whaboom’s poem fell flat. Should have gone for a scrapbook, man. Should have gone for the scrapbook.
Rachel was getting bored to death by the men at the after date party, until Dean came in and Rachel described him as “a breath of fresh air,” that he “makes me comfortable, has such a great smile.”
Dean really stepped it up and got the rose on the group date.
Best Quotes of the Night:
“If y’all wanna get on the merry-go-round, go on down to Santa Monica.” – Kenny talking about Lucas and Blake going in conversational circles.
“I’m gonna show her I can be the most valuable player in the game and the most valuable player in her life.” – Matt. You can do better than that, Matt.
Blake lives with Lucas’ ex-girlfriend. DeMario has a girlfriend back home. And Alex likes to sing. Also, BarkFest should just be a general Tuesday.
Slow Clap for Will with the Word of the Day: Will must have one of those Word of the Day calendars or the like because his use of the word “duplicitous” was just spot on. And I declare him the winner. Because I have that power.
Not a soul was listening to a word Rachel said when she walked in in this dress. This might be the only appropriate time to use Whaaaboooom.
Props, Props, and More Props: I sense a theme this season. First Impression Rose man Bryan brought out the chiropractic bed. Someone brought out a doll house to design the perfect dream home with Rachel. And I guess Iggy brought out the thumb war.
Group Date #2: Alex, Adam, Diggy, Lee, Matt, Eric, Josiah, DeMario, Will, Jaimie
Date card read: Swish
The group went on a basketball date. Rachel used to play basketball competitively. They brought out Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to teach the group basketball and character. Some listened better than others. Kareem announced they would be playing a game. The guys kept saying they’re going to play in a packed house like they really needed to perform. Yes. A packed house of Bachelorette fans. Not basketball fans. Some high school kids? I mean I think you’re fine. I doubt there are scouts there. Yes, definitely a high school band.
Score: 30 to 26
Josiah got the rose on the group date.
After the game, a lady came onto the court and asked to talk to Rachel. She told her DeMario was her boyfriend up until he appeared on After the Final Rose at the start of Rachel’s Season. Rachel brought out DeMario and he acted like he didn’t know the girl after he very clearly recognized her. It was amazing. Rachel tried to mitigate the two sides in lawyerly, calm, cool, collected fashion. DeMario kept changing his story and the girl claimed he still had the keys to her apartment. DeMario maintains he mailed them back.
This saddens me. We cannot make Whaboom a thing. We CANNOT. Stand together Bachelor Nation. Be strong.
Best Tweets of the Night: Shout out to these Tweeters for their witty narratives during the show.
“If I never hear whaaabooom again life will be amazing.” – Blake
Next week, the dates begin again and DeMario returns to the mansion to see if he can’t talk his way out of getting sent home. Rachel is keeping it 100, and we find out what happens next week!
Until next time, Bachelor Fans!
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