I’m Back from Hiatus! On to Hometowns! Please Don’t Leave Me!

I’m the worst and took a hiatus on vacay without having a sub-blogger. Never again. Next time, nominating someone to do a blog takeover. And as reparation I’m going to look up every cast member from Bachelor in Paradise and every couple that gets engaged on The Proposal and track them for many years to come. And forego wine. Who am I kidding I can’t give up wine. Only for you. You may also leave comments of reparation suggestions in the comments. But for reals. Please don’t leave me. Hometowns are happening tonight! Becca is taking this process all too seriously. I hope the girl gets to have fun at some point.

Richmond, Virginia (Week 6) and the Bahamas (Week 7). Becca struggled to find words to describe Virginia…”The air is nice…the mix of the old and the new…it’s different from Vegas.” What she should have said is an intern suggested this location solely based on the fact that “Virginia is for lovers,” and Philly, the city of brotherly love, has been done before and Virginia is budget-friendly and we can get the Governor of the Commonwealth! So here we are.

Who got kicked off: Week 6 Lincoln, Chris and Connor were sent home. Week 7 Leo and Wills were sent home. Crazy Chris went to Becca’s suite and I feel like was very adversarial and got sent home. Leo was left on an island in the Bahamas on a 3 on 1 date. And Wills asked to pull the car over so he could let out his sadness.

Richmond, Virginia (Week 6):

Jason got a one-on-one date and he was a true sport. I don’t know what is up with Becca an making these dates not fun. She took Jason to a Gothic un-happy hour party at St. John’s Church. Like what? But they decorated donuts first so I guess it’s alright? No thank you. Pass pass pass, double pass. They cheers-ed to “May you be unhappy ever more.” Also, Jason can bend it like Beckham and got pretty far in the splits because that was also casually part of the date. Get after it, Jason. The best part of the date was that Becca flew out Jason’s friends from NYC and they all sat around and had beers together. They also had a private party trolley so that was cool and a concert by Morgan Evans.

The Group Date was equally awko-taco. They had a debate in the commonwealth. And apparently the Governor of the Commonwealth had nothing better to do than to host a debate among the bachelors for The Bachelorette. Anything Colton said, Becca swooned. He could have said my favorite color is red and she would have passed out cold. Lincoln and Chris got into it at the debate. It was super awkward. We knew this would happen, though. The signs were there for Chris.

Best Quote: Chris about Lincoln: “Lincoln is a monster…the man eats 12 eggs a day! His cholesterol has to be through the roof.” True story. Stay safe, kids.

Leo got a one-on-one date to survive another week, only to be let go the next week. They shucked oysters. Meanwhile, Becca was emotionally drained by the debate. She seems to get emotionally drained a lot. She reeeeally wants this to work and win at the break-up game. Rooting for her, but she’s gotta let loose and let love in!

No cocktail hour. Connor, Lincoln and Chris were sent home. Chris because he went to her room and was not on the same page as Becca.

And the Bahamas (Week 7) at the Baha Mar Hotel

Colton got the first one-on-one date to everyone’s chagrin. He told Becca he was a virgin. And Becca WALKED AWAY. Like left him awkwardly sitting at the table. And then she came back and then asks him how he’s doing. My guess is not well, Becca. She told him he’s given her a lot to think about. They had spent the day harvesting conch shells making various conch related innuendos.

Garrett got a one-on-one and Becca grilled him on his ex-wife and if Garrett loved the process versus Becca. Girl is asking the hard questions. Get. It. Becca.

Jimmy Kimmel read the tweets tweeters posted when Trump interrupted The Bachelorette to announce the Supreme Court Justice. One was, “I don’t care who is the next Supreme Court Justice, but I do care who gets this mother effin’ rose.”

Blake got a one-on-one date. Blake gets all the cool dates. They had a beach party where they danced. Blake talked about his parents’ divorce and mom’s affair in a small town. Blake told Becca that he loved her. Different from falling in love with her. Now, he’s there. He’s in love. Blake got a rose and is headed to hometowns.

Becca said of Blake, “My heart recognizes his. All I want to do is tell him I’m in love with him.” I think they’re setting us up for failure and sadness.

Wills, Jason and Leo had a Three-on-One Date. I’m kind of disappointed. I would have liked to know what would have happened at Leo’s hometown date and if stuntman stunts would have been involved and now we’ll never know. Ugh, Leo’s good-bye was so hard. For me. He’s so great! Becca said good-bye to him on the beach and took Jason and Wills to the afterparty. Becca grilled Jason saying that the other men are more vocal than him. Jason was very articulate. And Becca was like from here on out my person and I have to be on the same page. I feel like that was a tilt toward Jason, but whatevs. And then our hearts broke all over again when Wills asked to get out of the car so he could cry. It was no Jake Pavelka and Jason Mesnik lean over the railing but it was a close second.

Making it to Hometowns TONIGHT: Blake, Colton, Garrett, Jason

The Proposal TV Show: Some Thoughts

Man from Louisiana Episode: The 27-year-old man from Louisiana chose the 22-year-old-college-sophomore-guitar-playing lady also from Louisiana. He said it’s crazy how he had to fly to California to meet the girl that was in his backyard. Love me the Louisiana folk. The ladies on the episode kept talking about how they believe in this process. This is the first season of the show. They’ve literally never seen this before. No episodes have aired prior to theirs. How do they know this process works and that they can believe in it? I do not understand. Pageant fail.

Also, host Jesse always has the ladies leave by telling them there is nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t think that was in their minds until you told them there might be something they should be ashamed of. So that’s super fun for them.

And we had a special guest Scallops from Bachelor in Paradiselast season. Homegirl needs to try finding love outside of reality television. But who am I to judge, Ashley I and Jared made it. Aw, and their PEOPLE Magazine spread is out!Scallops throwing some serious shade to her competition in the final round. Spoiler alert Scallops doesn’t win.Woman from famous things Episode: A lady named Ray (Rey? Reigh? I should know this because she’s famous. Someone help a sister out?) who had pictures with Oprah and Obama went for the sweet, safe and slightly boring guy over the steamy hot fireman. She chose the guy from Chicago, her hometown, even though a hunky fireman named Adonis (for reals, can’t make this up) laid a huge kiss on her. The lady is a business woman and she is in it for the long term investment as opposed to the short term gains. Yeah, I know business speak. Really don’t, but that all sounded great.

At the end of this season I’m following up on each and every one of these proposals.

Back to Bachelorette: Hometowns is tonight!!! My absolute favorite part of the season. Previews show some unhappy parents and not wanting their baby boys’ hearts smushed. Also, Tia’s back so this is going to be great fun.

Also, the new show Castaways. Can someone explain to me what this is all about, because to me based off of the previews it looks like a poor man’s version of Survivor where you’re just thrown onto a partially deserted island and told to survive with no cash prize at the end. I am confused.

Please leave your ideas of what it will take to make it up to you with blogging truancy. And I or a friend I can con will make it a reality. I also can promise you I will never interrupt your Bachelorette viewing.