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Catherine has a black belt in Taekwondo. That is all.

Colton found himself in the middle of a Miss USA pageant family feud. So that was fun. Demi broke the awkward mood at the pool party, and the ladies were made to do fitness. One lady pulled a limo with her brute force, but also got sent home. A pool party in lieu of a cocktail party kept Colton shirtless this episode.

Who got kicked off: Bri, Catherine and Nina were sent home at the rose ceremony and Caitlin was sent home on a group date.

One-On-One Date: Elyse got the one-on-one date, which included a helicopter ride to San Diego! My hometown. Upfront, I’m biased towards Elyse. She shares my name, age, hair color and got a date to my hometown. Not gonna lie, I fully contemplated making this entire post about Elyse. Nothing is stopping me. I still may do it. Oh, P.S. She got the one-on-one rose.

JUST LOOK AT THEM! And read her Instagram post because it’s adorable.

Elyse and Colton took a helicopter ride to Belmont Park, an amusement park in San Diego. There, Colton told Elyse this was a group date. Surprise! A bunch of kids from his charity popped out and they had the park to themselves to win stuffed emojis (that’s a thing btdubs), hand out ice cream and ride all the rides. I think Elyse found one little girl on the carousel that she became a little biased towards. Elyse upon handing the little girl an ice cream told her, “Don’t tell him you got the biggest one.”

The rest of the little ladies gave advice to Colton to win Elyse over with cotton candy. Smart. Colton also had them stop at the top of the roller coaster to share a kiss.

Over dinner, Colton blindsided her with a question about how she got to be the confident, independent lady that she is. Elyse, not expecting to share about her sister, revealed that her sister was a labor and delivery nurse and lost her life after finding a cancerous tumor when she was pregnant with her second child. Elyse is part of a non-profit, just like Colton, for children in need with clothes called Sarah’s Closet. When Elyse said, “You turn darkness into goodness,” I’m almost positive Colton’s heart melted. Just when Elyse was thanking Colton for a wonderful night, Colton surprised her with a country music concert with Tenille Arts.

Ok, so I said I wasn’t going to make the entire post about Elyse, but #sorryimnotsorry. Next, I’m finding out where that tattoo means:

Group Date: A pirate ship with Colton on it and Spartan Race-like competition was included in this group date. Both Hannah B. and Caelynn of the pageant were on this date to mess with their minds. All the ladies practiced pushing each other off a balance beam with giant-sized Q-Tips. Hannah B. was very good at it. Tracy and Caelynn were chosen at random (mmm hmmm random) to compete to save Colton. Caelynn won. Weird. Throughout the date everyone talked about how Tracy was riding the struggle bus. Nay, chasing the struggle bus. Designed for Caelynn to win so Hannah B. would go bat shit cray? Noooo. Caelynn got the rose on the group date. Crop tops were galore.

Group Date: Fitness gurus Terry and Rebecca Crews led the ladies in some prep work for a Strongest Bachelor Lady competition. This is where we find out that Catherine is a black belt in Taekwondo and did Karate. Mind blown.

Nicole got the rose on the group date.

Caitlin pulled a limo with her harness. You read that correctly.

Quote of the Date: “Sydney’s making stretching look like dirty dancing.” – Cassie

Onyeka won the competition and did track in high school.

Fred Willard commentated with Chris Harrison to bring joy to the world.

The Bachelor Strongest Woman

Caitlin was sent home on the group date because she wasn’t able to open up and didn’t have a lot to say. Colton wasn’t feeling it.

Cassie was described as cute and sexy. She’s the dark horse of the season.

You think I'm the perfect combination of sexy and cute?

Pool Party!
No cocktail party but there was a pool party with a shirtless Colton. Colton assured Hannah G. the only reason she didn’t receive a date this week was because he was confident in his feelings for her. The pageant feud continued with both ladies saying the other was the problem. BRING OUT MISS LOUISIANA. I need answers.
What really shook Colton was that Hannah B. said Colton wouldn’t see the full side of Caelynn and Colton revealed that was his fear through this whole process.
They brought out Chris Harrison, so close enough.

Tweets of the Night: Slow claps for you.

ALSO sign up for fantasy league because that shit is amazing and fun.

Previews of next week: The crew is traveling to Singapore! Hannah B. was so butt hurt about being called last at the rose ceremony this night. DUDE, it’s called PRODUCTION. You’re still here. Big picture. Work with me MISS ALABAMA. The Miss USA pageant feud continues. You must pick a side! All the ladies in the house look exhausted by it. And Colton is not asking the questions! I hope the sloth is doing well.

Wait. But also, did you know Catherine has a black belt in Taekwondo? My mind is blown. Respect.

To help you with what is destined to be the next couple of episodes, a quick cheat is that Hannah B. is the Blonde, and that would have to make Caelynn the Brunette. Ohh wait. Ehh, hopefully they both get kicked off on a two-on-one soon so we don’t have to keep track. Good luck. May the pageant be with you.

Alsooo, how are your bachelor brackets doing? Is anyone playing The Bachelor Fantasy League, because that shit is good and you should.