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PETER STARTED US OFF WITH A BANG! IN A WINDMILL! TWICE! PA POW! DOUBLE PISTOLS! Luke P. is Gone! And hannah Answers to Jesus, Not Luke P. Also, she Doesn’t Owe Him Anything.

The crew traveled to Crete, Greece where Hannah was more than excited for Fantasy Suite Dates.

Who got kicked off: Luke effing P. is gone. Celebration! But don’t pop the bubbly too soon. Luke P. makes a return to the rose ceremony before Men Tell All starts.

Peter the Pilot in a Windmill. Twice. In Agios Nikolaos, Crete, Greece.

Peter started us off with a bang (see what I did there?)! Twice! In a Windmill! Pew Pew! Double Pistols.

Their date was as adorable as we’ve come to expect. They had a steamy makeout session on a boat in Crete, Greece and a lovely dinner, and a windmill that was outfitted with condoms. Peter the Pilot told her he loved her in the sweetest way possible.

Tyler C. in Elounda, Crete, Greece

Tyler C. and Hannah B. had a relaxing, steamy day at the spa. Hannah B. and Tyler C. got massages, and as Hannah B. relaxed and closed her eyes, Tyler C. snuck out from the towels and took over her massage. And then he climbed on top of her for a hot makeout session. At dinner, Hannah B. told Tyler C. that their physical chemistry was not an issue. They had that and she really liked it, but she wanted to work on their emotional communication. These were the rules of the Fantasy Suite Dates. Tyler C. didn’t bat a lash and was like cool.

Hannah B. told the producers after the night on the morning after that Tyler C. respected her boundaries and would hold and kiss her and then stop and they would talk. And then hold and kiss her and then stop and talk. Tyler C. told her he loved her.

Hannah B. about Tyler C. “He was the most respectful man who’s ever been with me. Ever. Watching him leave me today just ripped me.”

She continued, “He celebrates my boundaries and lets me be the strong woman that I am.” Praise Jesus! Hallelujah. Preach!

Jed in Vrachasi, Crete, Greece at a Grecian Family Dinner.

Hannah B. and Jed had dinner and dancing with a local Greek family. At the dinner table, they talked about relationships and where Hannah was in hers. Jed has some issues that he brought up with Hannah about Luke P. Jed did not like being on equal playing fields with Luke P. and told Hannah that Jed didn’t like that Hannah could be with someone like that for the rest of her life.

Jed at the dinner table also told the group, “I’m not battling a bunch of current relationships…” Ummm, but about that GF back home? Riddle me that, Jedson.

Hannah B. told Jed that she had a strange connection with Luke P. right off the bat and asked Jed how honest he wanted her to be. At dinner, Jed and Hannah started talking about Luke P. again and Hannah excused herself from the table, saying she was so tired of defending her relationship with him. Jed said, “Choices affect us. I know that I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Jed also expressed concern that, “It makes me feel worried that you have a hard time of letting things go that aren’t good for you in your life.” Eeek.

Hannah B. was like where is the trust. They eventually made it back to the dinner table and Jed told her, “You’re so freakin’ beautiful. Come here,” and whispered I love you. Jed and Hannah B. went to the Fantasy Suite and we saw them wake up together. Seemed like they made up.

Bye-Bye Luke P.! The Luke P. Blowout in Santorini.

Hannah B. and Luke P. took a helicopter above Santorini, a bucket list item for Hannah B. Luke P. told her he was honored she chose him for that.

Luke P. at dinner told Hannah B., “You get so cute whenever I start talking about you. You start inching closer to me and you have laser focus. It’s so attractive. It makes me feel really good.” Blech. Luke P. knows how to confuse and manipulate. Red flags.

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby, Let’s Talk About You NOT Me.

Luke P. is the one that brought up sex. But he didn’t want to talk about his past trysts; he wanted to talk only about Hannah. He said, “Let’s talk about sex.” Hannah’s eyes lit up and was like OK, lets. Then it became a Bible verse slinging match up. Luke P. brought up Hebrews and keeping the marriage bed pure until marriage. He said he would remove himself from the relationship and the process if he found out she had sex with any of the guys there.

“The way you just said that. I am so mad right now. Why do you have the right to do that because you’re not my husband and you’re not – ”
“Can I just cut you off for a sec-”

“No. You’re questioning me and judging me and and that you the right do and that you don’t at this point.”

Bible verse match up continued with Hannah B. throwing out a parable about the adulteress that Jesus brought out to be stoned and told the people that whoever was without sin could throw the first stone. In other words, none-a-y’all are pure and can point fingers. And Hannah said she felt Luke P. was holding the first stone. GET. IT. GIRL. Ain’t no body got time for that.

Words of Fire: “I’m a grown woman and can make my own decisions and I’m not strapped to a man now.” Preach.

THEN Hannah gave him the what-for and was like I put my all into this relationship. I gave you chances and the benefit of the doubt when I did not have to. Boy Bye.

Luke P. pulled out his old bag of tricks and told her he didn’t want to get misunderstood or misconstrued. And Hannah was like boy, no, you said what you said.

Also in his bag of tricks, using cruel language of blame, like “I understand a slip up, but all of them?” Blaming Hannah B. And repeating her words back to her, “I felt like it was love at first sight too.” And then trying to make her feel guilty and own her, “I feel like you owe me.”

Oh, and that lit the fire. “I can’t believe you just said that. I’m so mad. I don’t owe you anything.” Boom.

Luke P. would literally not leave. At the limo he was like, “I literally don’t care what you just said to me.” Well you should dude. Because that is a good-bye, see ya never break up. Hannah told him what might get him in the limo is knowing that she f*cked in a windmill. Twice. (Sidenote: Props to Pilot Pete.)

AND THEN HE ASKED TO PRAY OVER HANNAH. Ummm, what. THAT IS THE LAST THING I WANT FROM YOU. No. Bye. He finally got in the car, and Hannah flipped him the bird in the pouring rain as he left.

Hannah Beast Quotes: “You don’t own me. You don’t get to decide what I can and can’t do and it’s like oh my gosh who are you again?”

“I have had sex and Jesus still loves me.”

“What I believe love is is loving someone wholeheartedly. You love everything about me, but you love me through those flaws. I answer to the Lord. I’m just relieved. I don’t answer to Luke. I feel like a weight lifted off of my shoulders.” And she took her wine glass back to her room.

Also Fun Fact: Luke P. Has a WWJD Wrist Tattoo

Reddit and others have pointed out that Luke P. has a WWJD Tattoo. I just can’t.

In the previews for next week, we see him return un-welcomed to the rose ceremony. Time to go, dude.

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