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Hot Dogs in Chile. Telenovelas. GILFs. That’s Grandma’s I’d like to Fantasy Suite Date With for All You Noobs.

Peter and the ladies were headed to Santiago, Chile! Hannah Anne and Victoria F. each got a one-on-one date. The ladies starred in a telenovela with rotating love interests for Pete the Pilot. The best was a guest appearance by Chris Harrison. The trust chain was broken and our other pageant queen Victoria P. was on her way home.

Who got kicked off: Victoria P., Mykenna, Sydney and Tammy were sent home. Shockers. We are almost to hometowns!!

The Bachelor ladies Peter the pilot week 5

One-on-One Date: Hannah Anne got the first one-on-one date and they explored, danced and ate around Chile. Peter found out Hannah Anne at 23-years-old has never been in love. Peter is questioning if that’s going to be ok in the long term. Peter asked Hannah Anne what her goals were and she said modeling for as long as possible and something about not wanting to swim in the shallow end, but instead dive deep. Peter excused himself from the table and said he couldn’t figure out her feelings, except I feel like she said what she was feeling. She went out to the garden crying to find him. And that’s when he went back to get the rose. He didn’t want her to show the perfect side all the time I think is what he said. He just wants to see them emotionally break down. But yay! Hannah Anne got the rose.

Group Date: Telenovela with a GILF. That’s Grandma I’d Like to Fantasy Suite Date With. Kelley was the one who brought GILF into this world. It was great. Sexiest Grandma Alive goes to Kelley the attorney. She mixed up some of the lines and faked a broken hip to have Peter improv and carry her out. Grandma’s gotta do what a Grandma’s gotta do. She also definitely said “incest is best” on television.

The telenovela consisted of all of the ladies rotating in as potential love interests to Peter and ended with him falling in love with the maid in the show: Mykenna. Au contraire, mon frère!

At the after party, Peter was excited to see Victoria P. Victoria P. asked to jump in his lap because “physical touch was her love language.” And Peter was smiling to see her. And then Victoria P. mixed it up and confused me again! Victoria P. told Peter she didn’t want the whole Alayah thing to get in the way of them. Peter responded with “You are more secure and confident in us than I am.” Peter also confuses me. Victoria P. volunteered, “Are you saying you don’t want me to be here?” Gah! Are you volunteering to leave? Peter dropped, “I don’t know if I can see you as my wife and I’m sorry about that.” Eeek. That came out of left field. She asked for a car. “This is not love and that really sucks. I don’t need you to walk me out.” Allows him to walk her out. Victoria P. is a dichotomy to me. And I thought Peter liked that, but guess not. Victoria P. is out.

Madison got a rose on the group date. Peter wrote a smaller telenovela for Madison and him to read on the steps of the afterparty. To be fair, the telenovela storyline simply had Peter kissing Madison with the “strength of a thousand Chilean suns,” but it was cute. It reaffirmed his affection for Madison and she got the rose on the group date.

Victoria F. got a SECOND one-on-one date and a rose. Peter gave Victoria F. another one-on-one date to make up for the Chase Rice concert. Cool. Victoria F. and Peter went horseback riding and ate a lot of meat. And had a heart-to-heart in the back of a truck, where Victoria F. revealed she was contemplating leaving. And that took Peter aback. At dinner, Peter told her that scared him. And she ran away. Every time she’s with Peter she runs away from the cameras. Third time this season. Count it. She does know this is a show that is filmed, correct? She told Peter he shouldn’t have to deal with her emotions. She told the producer she wasn’t sure about if she was ready for marriage and if it was all worth her emotions to stick it out. Peter got super sad and told producers he didn’t know what more he could do. Peter really likes her. He pulled a Colton and was like I see no red flags! And gave her the rose and she accepted. And then there was one Victoria standing victorious.

Mykenna and Tammy Get a Two-Way Ticket Home

Mykenna was sprouting cliches the entire episode. I think she may have turned into a motivational poster before our very eyes. Optimism! Teamwork! Courage! And Tammy was spitting fire. At the group date, Mykenna and Tammy got into a very loud argument that Peter could hear from outside, while he was making out with Madison. Tammy was doubting Mykenna’s ability to get married right now and saying Mykenna was just here to get likes and build a brand. She’s not wrong. All Mykenna says are cliches, but Tammy is going about it all wrong, causing a stir.

Semi-Two-On-One with Tammy and Mykenna: Peter had Tammy and Mykenna meet him ahead of the cocktail party as a some sort of make-shift two-on-one date, except it was just to talk it out with both and send one home early. Mykenna said she found her damn voice and random assortment of inspirational messages that have nothing to do with the event at hand. Tammy told Peter Mykenna had packed her bags before the group date and was ready to peace out. Scandalous! Mykenna didn’t deny it but told Peter she was here for him. Peter sent Tammy home on the date and then Mykenna smiled and clapped…until she got sent home at the rose ceremony.

Mykenna delivered a rehearsed line as her last Hail Mary effort to vie for the spot of the next bachelorette. “I came here for love and leave here loving myself the most.” Okay, time to go. Can somebody grab the mic? We’ve already had that storyline last season.

Natasha is still being cool as all get out and has now become the narrator of the season, giving us the real deal on all of the drama happening in the house.

Peter is struggle busing. He’s just happy to be here. And not getting to know anyone in his attempt to just roll with it. How are we going to get to know any of these ladies or have them get to know Peter if we don’t see any of their interactions with him? We saw more of Peter and the golf cart than his relationships with any of these ladies. How can we analyze their feelings if all we are getting is champagnegate? How, Peter, how? Like maybe let’s try falling in love. Someone bring in his bros, because Peter needs backup!

Next week on The Bachelor, we’re back to one night from 8-10pm on Monday night. Let’s go!

Tweets of the Night: Learn more about GILFs and Mykenna and Tammy meeting at the airport on the way home. Keeping it lively.