, , , , , , , , , , ,

Pythons, Pillows with Faces on Them, Cougars and Early Morning Rose Ceremonies. The Bachelor is Here.

The Bachelor is back on Monday nights! And these ladies did not disappoint with their first impressions. Salley also pulled a Bachelor first and told Colton Clayton that she couldn’t go through with the limo entrances because she was hurting from a previous engagement. And she was out before the limos arrived.

Who got kicked off: Salley went home before the limos arrived. Claire went home before the rose ceremony, and the rest were sent home at the rose ceremony: Daria, Hailey, Ivana, Jane, Lindsay D., Rianna, and Samantha.

Salley went home before the limos arrived. The day of the start of The Bachelor was the day she was supposed to get married. Salley went to see Clayton before the limos, they had a connection, he smiled so big and offered her reassurance he’d keep her around and offered her a rose. Salley took a beat to think about it. And then told him they did have a connection, but her heart wasn’t at a place to accept it and off she went.

First Impression Rose and First Kiss: Teddi, but technically it was Salley and she pulled a Bachelor first and rejected it. Ouchie. Teddi and Clayton both felt a connection after she stepped out of the limo. Teddi is a virgin.

First Impressions Breakdown:

Sarah went to Mizzou too. Mizzou is Clayton’s alma mater where he walked on to play football and get a football scholarship.

Susie is a Miss USA pageant lady, lived in Japan for two years, and does Jiu-Jitsu. She brought an old-school hand shocker and dropped the line, “Did you feel the electricity between us?” Cute.

Melina jumped Clayton in moon shoes, and she didn’t go home, so yay.

Marlena brought a yellow flag and whistle and penalized Clayton 15 yards for looking so fine.

Jane called herself a cougar. Is 33 the age that starts qualifying you as a cougar nowadays?? I feel personally attacked. Raise your hand if you’ve ever been personally victimized by Regina George Jane.

Holly is a retiree from Boca Raton, Florida, and not here for Clayton. She’s not a cougar. She’s here for the old peoples Bachelor. And to introduce Rachel the flight instructor and flight student – explain to me how that one works. I don’t know about you but I want my flight instructor to be a light years experienced flyer. A cougar even. Y’know 33. Not like studying flying at the same time I am. Holly was her “wingwoman.” Clever.

Bold Moves and Your Entrance Cheat Sheet

Kate brought out her “nips.” She said she was nervous and said, “Why don’t we each hold one of my nips – these nips,” and pulled out alcoholic nips. Hm.

Kira the physician came in in a doctor’s coat and red lingerie. Mmkay.

Rianna wore a cowgirl hat and said, “Why don’t we save a horse and you can ride a cowgirl.” Well, all be damned.

Eliza from Berlin, Germany brought a sausage and had them eat it Lady and the Tramp style.

Gabby ICU nurse told Clayton, “She brought a pillow for them to rest and sit on,” and then turned it around and said, “But actually I just want to sit on your face,” and brought a pillow with Clayton’s face printed on it. Oh boy.

Elizabeth brought a whip.

Hunter brought a big, yellow snake.

Samantha from San Diego rode in in a bubble bath and her bathing suit.

Cassidy rode in on a little kid’s car and was followed immediately by Shanae who drove in in an identical life-sized black SUV that ran into the little car.

The Second Half

Kissing Counter: Kira the lingerie doctor got a kiss. Eliza got a kiss. Annd Cassidy after she fell off the mini car and got a boo boo. Aaand flight instructor Rachel got a kiss.

Claire didn’t go the full yardage. She tried to throw a tailgate with cornhole and wings and drinks. Mara interrupted them and stole him away with her “sauce.” And Clayton didn’t fight it. Claire started talking to the ladies and telling them that she hated Clayton and there wasn’t a spark and she couldn’t date him. Clayton talked to Claire and sent her home.

Susie said they’re very different but that’s good.

Elizabeth gave him a family photo to hold onto.

Genevieve is from Massachusetts (a local!) and her parents were married for 32 years. Clayton’s parents were celebrating their 30th anniversary. Clayton pulled Genevieve aside after he sent Clare home.

Rose Ceremony

Dear gracious it is early hours for this rose ceremony. It is broad daylight, so you know they’ve been up all night filming. There are 22 ladies left.

I reviewed the tapes and this season is a lot of tears and heartache.

New Host: This season’s host is Jesse Palmer who I’m convinced studied tapes of Chris Harrison. Jesse Palmer was a contestant of The Bachelor a while back (Season 5 in 2004). Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe did a great job with The Bachelorettes. Well done, ladies! You’ll be missed.

Who are you picking for your top picks? The Bachelor is back on Monday nights at 8|7c on ABC. Bring on the hot tubs, champagne and tears!

Tweets from the Night: Shoutout to these tweeters.

See you next week on Monday at 8|7c for The Bachelor!