It’s Season 11 of The Bachelorette!!

 

No, we still don’t know who will be the bachelorette. But we do know the guys got to go into a super secret voting room and place their rose in a pristinely carved rose-shaped hole in one of two boxes, depending on which lady they chose. We will find out tomorrow, Tuesday, May 20th at 8|7c who that lucky lady is.

Who Got Kicked Off: Yes, already we have our first reject of the season. thank you to Ryan M. for having one, two, ten too many to drink and turning into a fight-provoking, belligerent drunk. Chris Harrison called him outside and sent him home whenceforth he came. Rumor has it he is the ex bf of Nikki from Juan Pablo’s season.

To start the show we were introduced to a whole batch of attractive men.

Single dads are Justin and Jonathan.

Two Ryan’s, two Shawn’s, two Ben’s, two Cory’s. There can only be one! I’m convinced ABC is just trying to confuse us all. Or just split the pairs between the two bachelorettes. I know this is confusing because they have two of everyone this season, but bear with me.

Let me break it down for you by my favorite first impressions.

First, they had both girls standing off to the side a good distance apart, so when a guy got out of the limo he had to choose who he approached first. It was fantastic. The first limo had a lot of men beelining it for Britt.

Ben H. was super into Britt and told her that they both sponsored children together — Which probably means that they are way more philanthropic than me.

Jared is a little creepy. I don’t know how he snuck in this season’s cast, especially with sad, sad lines of “If I were a superhero, I would be love man.” A child who has yet to develop motor skills could come up with a better line than that. C’mon, Jared. Pull yourself together!

Josh our lawyer by day, Magic Mike by night stripper man just stripped down. Right then and there. Yep, and then made both ladies touch his chest. A law student’s gotta earn a living. You dance, Josh! Don’t let those haters hold you down! Pay those student loans.

Best First Impression: That would have to go to JJ. He went right up to Kaitlyn, referenced her farmer intro joke of “I would let you plow my field any day” from the previous season, and went with his own cleverly inappropriate line. He, like Kaitlyn, was Canadian, and handed her a hockey puck saying, “I would love to puck you.” It was epic.

Daniel came out dancing.

Best Rides: The dentist Chris came in a cupcake car where the top flipped up. The amateur sex coach Shawn rolled up in a “carpool.” Probably the coolest thing I’ve seen. A car filled with water. Sure, he was wet from the waist down after getting out, but I’m sure that’s not new for him. (Oh dear, I went there.)

The gifts kept coming, mostly directed toward Kaitlyn. The fitness trainer from Naperville (I know there are a lot of them.) Justin arrived with helium balloons and Joe from Kentucky brought moonshine. So while Britt received the most men from the first limo approaching her first, Kaitlyn received the most gifts later on in the night and I would say the most attractive men. She also had Ian who was staunchly there to meet her and helped her gain her confidence back after most of the men had initially shown interest in Britt.

Best Quote of the Night: Aside from JJ’s “I would puck you” comment, this one goes to our sassy-mouthed Kaitlyn. One of the bachelors gave Britt tissues. And whether she meant it in reference to the dirty rumor that Britt doesn’t shower, Kaitlyn asked, “Is that Kleenex or soap?”

Midway through Kaitlyn ran into the house to see all of the guys before greeting more at the limos. Britt was pisssed. I was doing a silent, internal slow-clap, complete with head nod.

Cocktail Party:

Kaitlyn opened it with a joke.

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Two Bachelorettes
Two Bachelorettes who?
That is the joke.

Britt took a more traditional Bachelor approach and said she wanted to find love and set the stage for everyone being there for the right reasons..

The token drunk! Ryan M. joins the long line of hall of famers – first night drunkies, by having entirely too many bellinis.

One of the guys drew Chris Harrison riding a triceratiops and framed it. It was actually really good. He gave it to Kaitlyn, saying originially he thought there would only be one bachelorette.

The ones to watch: If Katilyn makes it, Ian will definitely be a frontrunner as he made it known he was there for one girl and one girl only and that was Kaitlyn. Shawn B., with looks like Ryan Gosling, a voice from a heavenly choir of baritones, and humor to wrap it up in one nice package, this one could be a contender. Ben H. He was primarily there for Britt and let her know it. Heck, they both share sponsored children. But he made a sweet move and asked Kaitlyn what her back elbow bird tattoos meant. She was so impressed by the question and even said Farmer Chris had never taken the time to ask her that. She said she’s lived all over, but this bird represents that she always flies home. I’m also certain Ben H. proves all hot men originate from Denver.

JJ thinks Britt is a 15 out of a 10. She’s cute for sure, but we have got to introduce you to more ladies, JJ.

ABC ended it with To Be Continued… with Chris Harrison seeking out The Bachelorettes to send one home!

Tweets of the night:

I must own this.

After meeting the guys, NOW who do you think will win? And based off of the pool of guys, who do you WANT to win? We’ll find out tomorrow, Tuesday, 8|7c. Now I’m regretting not structuring this post as a WWE match up between the two ladies.