“All fairytales aren’t told the same way.” – Chris Harrison. Thank you for the wisdom, Chris Harrison. Thank you for the wisdom.

It really was the most dramatic season of The Bachelor because they jampacked all that they could into the finale. Two proposals, a breakup that took houuuurs, a recounting of the aforementioned proposal and breakup, and a new season of The Bachelorette. Arie pulled a Mesnick. 

If you grabbed a US Weekly before the finale you already knew what happened. Arie proposed to Becca. They then played about 2 hours of their subsequent breakup unedited that included Arie meeting Becca at their secret location and him letting her know he was still in love with Lauren and that he wanted to see where that went.

Prior to the proposal Arie said this was the biggest decision of his life about 1,000 times, which if you had that as a drinking game you would have been smashed 10 minutes in. Arie’s family met both girls, loved them both and seemed to swing toward Becca because she was a safe option. So Arie chose Becca. At the proposal, the top of the rose fell off of Becca’s final rose, like the whole thing flung right off and when she tried to say her full name with Arie’s last name it just lacked a ring to it. Pre-signs?

Who got kicked off: Lauren, JK Becca. Arie proposed to Becca. Dumped Becca. Went back to Lauren. And proposed to Lauren. And Becca is the new Bachelorette. Got all that?

Chris Harrison kept saying we had seen nothing like this before. But we have. With Jason Mesnick, who they brought out on After the Final Rose. I guess Chris Harrison was referring to the painstakingly long unedited break up scene behind the scenes. After the breakup, Becca flew home heartbroken AND IN THE MIDDLE SEAT on the plane. Now that is just cruel. Arie said he felt like a monster right now. The thing that makes you a monster is letting her fly in the middle seat! You could have at least offered to pay for her upgrade.

After the Final Rose

Bring ’em out, bring ’em out

Chris Harrison brought out Becca and then Arie and had a deep conversation. Becca handled it with such poise. ESPECIALLY because they made her come back for a second night and wear TWO different dresses for After The Final Rose, just because this season was so dramatic and they needed her there both nights. The poor girl. She better find love after all of this.

They aired clips of Arie flying to meet Lauren and them talking on the couch and her asking questions and him explaining. She asked if he was over Becca and he said, “1,000 percent.” WTF. YOU LITERALLY WERE JUST WITH BECCA, YOUR FINACE. I do not understand.

Lauren responded, “Well, you got me, duh. Just so you know I’m freaked out by engagement, but I’m hoping that doesn’t take that much longer.” Umm. OK. Whatever. I hope they’re happy in love.

The Posse

Chris Harrison brought out the posse of Arie’s previous ladies to comment on what they saw. Usually those narrations are the worst, but they were actually super helpful this time. Go ladies. Kendall wished that Arie and Lauren found love. Bekah was like, ‘Lauren, dump his behind.’ And Seinne was smart and insightful. Caroline still thinks she was the one that was publicly broken up with and betrayed by Arie. I swear she thinks the breakup happened to her with how emotional it makes her. Tia gave the most helpful information, saying that Arie contacted Lauren on New Year’s just before the premiere of the show, 1 and 1/2 months after his engagement to Becca in Peru. The plot thickens. So Arie had an idea that there was still a possibility with Lauren before he broke up with Becca.

Arie did say he wanted the breakup to be televised so that Bachelor Nation could see that it was on him for the breakup. Take that for what you will.

Best Quote: Kendall still remains the best bachelorette. She commented that she was fine that they showed the breakup because it showed her how strong Becca was. Always seeing the unique, bright side, that one.

The posse also vouched for Becca as one of the kindest bachelorettes they knew and so deserving of love and ready to give it.

Then Chris Harrison brought out Arie and Lauren. Lauren announced she was moving to Arizona to be with him. And Arie in true Arie fashion proposed to Lauren publicly on stage with Becca in the wings and his and Lauren’s parents there at After the Final Rose. Lauren said yes. So there’s that.

Reaction shots.

Fun Fact Funding

Bachelor Nation is amazing and started to Venmo Becca to buy her a drink for the breakup she was put through. According to Chris Harrison and Popsugar.com, Becca’s fans started to Venmo her “F*ck Arie Wine Money.” This. Is. Genius. And hilarious. Becca’s Venmo account has reached over $6,000 with contributions of well wishes. BuzzFeed captured a few of the best. Becca, the queen that she is, is donating it to Stand Up to Cancer. Chris Harrison vowed that ABC would match it. Boom.

There have been a few faux accounts that have popped up, so make sure if you contribute to the wine fund, you do it to the right handle. The one with all the comments. @RebeccaKufrin

Chris Harrison also surprised Becca with an announcement of his own. She was about to meet her men that night!

The newest Bachelorette is Becca!

“I felt like my future was ripped out from under me.” To get a better one!

Becca’s Preview of Men: What you need to know

Lincoln Accent and ripped. His intro, “I’m blushing, but you can’t tell for obvious reasons.”

Chase Wasn’t super memorable, but he was there.

Ryan Entertained with a banjo, and he’s pretty good. He’s quirky just like her.

Darius Apologized on behalf of his gender.

Blake Brought a horse named Bradley, saying “When you fall off the horse you gotta get back up again. I want to be the man to help you get back up again.” Umm, adorbs. And kudos to Bradley for keeping it chill in front of a live studio audience. What a stud.

Premiere of The Bachelorette is May 28.

After After the Final Rose. Arie and Lauren are living it up on Twitter. So much for staying off of social media. That boils my blood. Where’s the wine fund?! They look happy in love, though and took Jason and Molly Mesnick’s advice and got the heck outta dodge.